i love namine
by unversed-unbirth
Summary: Poor Namine. Rated M for later chapters. Multiple pairings with Namine.
1. Prologue

_I have to be the unluckiest person in the world. I had no friends, nobody liked me. I had virtually no family, my mother and father didn't love me like I thought they should. I couldn't laugh, or smile, my life had no light. No darkness either, for I didn't frown or cry or anything of the sort. It was a state of in-between, a state of equality, where you can't feel because of the perfect balance. You were neutral, the world payed you no mind. That was my childhood, nothing. Nothing at all. _

When she was just a little girl, a tall older boy with spiky red hair that went back in all directions, gave her a doll. It was a pretty doll, with flawless porcelain skin that flushed at the cheeks, a simple white dress that ended close to the knees, blue sandals with fake pink and white flowers, and pale blonde hair that swept to the side and over its shoulder curling up. But none of those things that made them twins counted. What counted were the two grey eyes-lifeless, glassy, and unseeing. Her father didn't seem too happy, but the man persuaded him by bringing up her mother. One day, while she was reading a library copy of _Alice in Wonderland_, her father snuck into her room and took the doll. It couldn't scream for her, it had no mouth. Though she swore when it was locked up in a cage swinging back and forth on a hook, it cried. Too bad she didn't see the warning of a future to come in its watering eyes.

_People in my hometown, Twilight Town, say that there's always going to be an object to represent you in the long run. They say you never know what it will be or when you will find it. The old woman who gave me little peppermint sticks on Christmas told me that I should keep my heart open even though nobody might come. People say to me many things, out of pity for my existence. With this doll, I can share that pity with someone._

Long before this doll ever came her mother, with short blonde hair brighter than hers and with antennas, joined her on the terrace. Her mother's green eyes were warm and bright for once, making her slightly uncomfortable. The mother giggled as she shifted about, nervously fidgeting. "Aw, doesn't little Namine want to know why her momma's so happy?" She looked up from her lap and watched as the mother skipped around the white room, a shock of color in the skimpy red clothes she wore. "Well?"

"Uh... um..." she bit her lip hard enough that she was sure it bled. "Okay."

"I'm leaving!"

"Leaving...?" Her eyes widened to the size of saucers. "Leaving...?" she repeated, slower than before.

"Yes, stupid. I'm leaving, _for good._ Axel said I shouldn't and I shut him up when I mentioned Xemmy and the kids."

"Kids? Like me?" she asked.

"Stick to the point. I'm leaving this house, your sociopathic dad, and this backwater town forever!"

"Am I going with you?" she asked, biting her lip again. The laughter that followed was the worst part. The mother left, like she said she would. All her skimpy clothes were gone from the walk-in closet, all the priceless jewelry, and some of her father's credit cards. They never spoke about the mother again, not once. On occasion, she wouldn't be allowed to go down to the table to eat her dinner which was a blessing considering how uncomfortable being under the cold glare of her father's blue eyes was.

_He hated me, and he still does to this day. Whether it's because I remind him of my mother or because he regrets me, I will never know. He was a ladie's man yet he chose to stay inside and hurt me all the time. Not physically, but emotionally. I never forgot the torture of living my own childhood. Day after day, week after week, month after month, year after year._

And long after the doll came, she sat in her room with a single piece of paper, thinking about drawing a fallen angel with crooked wings bleeding her heart out onto the dying grass of a cemetery. She was eleven then, so her drawings still had childish touches to them. She hummed a tune to herself, drifting off into fantasyland populated with other kids that didn't think she was too skinny, or that her eyes were too big, or that other than those two she was too plain. She got to go to public school instead of sitting in the living room discussing seventh grade algebra problems—she was in fifth grade for crying out loud!

_Drip, drip, drip_

She blinked at the break in the silence, realizing that her last piece of paper was soaked through and that tears now leaked from the corners of her eyes, or had she been crying this whole time without realizing it? The second one seemed more likely for how else would her paper get so soaked?

"Hello, Namine." Her tears stopped abruptly. He knew, he knew, he knew, how could he know? She hid her paper and her completed drawings were... oh no, this is terrible. Why is it so terrible? Because. Recently her father got a phone call from a private number in California. How does she know? Eavesdropping came in handy when you weren't involved when you should be.

"Hello?" her father had asked in that eerily calm voice.

**"Marly?" **She heard footsteps and the click of the lock.

"Larxene, you left. I don't care why, but you left me with a child that is not mine. I don't know what to do with it and..."

**"I called to tell you that she's all yours. Do that career choosing thingy, make her rake in the dough, you know how it works."**

"As interesting as that is, she looks like you so she must be like you, into acting and the arts. All that trash." The caller was silent on the other end.

**"She's quiet, withdrawn, from what you raised her to be. If she were like me..." **

"You know what, I'm finished. Don't call here, don't email me, don't text, don't anything." he said, raising his voice just a bit.

D::D

"Your mother called here and its final." he told her after throwing the last of her wonderful drawings away. The tears had stopped already; you know what they say, "Nothing lasts forever." Not her art-world, not her family, not anything. She wasn't even eleven for that long either. She managed to pull myself along, just giving up only a few times. She was eighteen before she knew it, and her "father" was always inviting boys her age over to their house. Of course, each boy only showed up for money or because they thought they had gotten a shot with a hot chick. Then again, not all of the boys were the ones of her fantasies. The phone rang, interrupting her thoughts. She put her pen down and closed her math textbook, then saw the caller was a private number in California. She sighed and reluctantly hit the "talk" button.

"Namine White."

**"I don't expect you to, but do you remember me?" **

"Yes, you're my mother."

**"Look, my life's calmed down and Axel's stopped telling me about you. Can you fill me in from when you were eleven?" **

"Why should I?"

**"Namine, please."**

"Answer me. You left me with a man who's not even my father. You never called to see if I was dead or alive. Never. You didn't care, and I had to grow up with no real parents. Marluxia, I can't call him my father, all he wanted was power over what's-his-face."

**"Xemnas?" **She didn't care to know his name, he made the only father she had ever known go insane over power, talking about real estate that his "Organization" owned, and how Xemnas was picking favorites for the company that did who-knows-what.

"If you want to know what my life is like," she paused. Olette passed by her open door with her arms full of clean laundry, giving her a concerned look. She waved her away, and put the phone back on the charger and went back to her homework. She finished 2x + 8y = 10, yawning. Olette came back in, arms empty.

"Really, Namine? Cramming at this time?"

"No, I'm doing next year's homework assignment." She giggled when her jaw went slack. She was known as the school nerd until Namine showed up after arguing for days with her father over what school to go to. She had a very bad feeling she'd be disowned."Kidding, I'm kidding."

"Aw, Na-mi-ne!" Olette whined, using a nickname she had grown fond of. They heard a thud in Xion's room next door and knew they were in for it. But she smiled anyway, enjoying what she knew wouldn't last long.

* * *

_**So, I decided while Sacrifice and NSNL are on hiatus, why not work on something new? I wanted to try my hand at tragedy and hurt/comfort so I'll warn you that this story has very dark themes, but it sometimes has a little romance in-between. No more spoilers! Also, Namine was humming "Tourniquet"**_

**_(UPDATE) I thank everyone for the hits, the reviews, the faves, the alerts, anything you did involving me or my stories. I LOVE YOU ALL! -FK_**

**_REVIEW! FAVE! ALERT!_**


	2. The Obvious

_I've been sleeping, for such a very long time. There was no one else there, it wasn't reality. This mansion in Twilight Town... it was a place of in-between, a place where none could touch you, but they couldn't overlook you. You were there, just not there. Confusing, sure. Impossible, no. Fading, fading, is that it? I guess so, but then why am I still here? I'd ask why I'm alive, but I'm only living, I'm not alive. Not yet. To be alive is hard work, not that I'm lazy-I've worked so hard. I just can't put my all into living so I can't be alive without somehow killing myself on the way with the effort. Confusing, sure. Impossible, no. Never before has anyone succeeded in living without dying. How would there be living without dying? You can't have light without dark, or lies without truth. Otherwise the world would be gray like my eyes. Gray, gray, gray. Plain, not pretty, not ugly, just plain. Plain and gray. Sleeping is what I was, right? Not even breathing so they thought I was dead. No I wasn't but then again I was. Confusing, sure. Impossible, no._

"Yo, Pence! This is the seventh wonder right?" Hayner asked, turning to the mansion. It wasn't in great condition, but it still had some of its former glory left. Key word; _some._

"Yup. Hey Roxas, you there?" the chubby boy asked his other friend with the blonde fohawk. He stared off into space, looking up at the window with thin white curtains that supposedly parted at half past twelve to reveal a thin yet pretty young woman wearing a white dress. The woman had pale blonde hair that curled in some places but was straight overall. This was all that people had ever seen of the mystery woman.

Roxas on the other hand saw the curtains part wide. He saw this young woman gracefully move from one side of a small room to the other carrying art supplies. He saw her put both small hands to the window and gaze out longingly. For once he actually thought about going in through the gate, which had said to be locked but it moved just enough for him to unlock it from the inside. Her eyes locked onto his and she gazed with wonder, tilting her head to the side. She smiled- a genuine smile- but it turned into a silent scream and a mortified expression. She rushed to close the curtains, leaving him wondering.

"ROXAS!" Hayner yelled. Said blonde jumped and rubbed his ringing ear.

"The seventh wonder, dude it's real!" he exclaimed. Hayner rolled his eyes, and jabbed his thumb towards the mansion.

"Prove it." He watched his friend manuever his hand through the space between the gates with expertise, having broken into Seifer's house the same way before, and kick the gate open. He turned to Pence and waved for him to follow. Roxas was already banging on the door, but it surprisingly held up through the storm. Another thing that was surprising; the window flying open to reveal a guy with spiky black hair, yellow eyes that narrowed at the sight of the trio, and pale skin like that of Roxas' girlfriend Xion. That was all they could see, besides the black t-shirt he wore.

_I would be scared, but fear exists only when you let it. I won't let it anymore. It gives him power enough to make me go through with this, but, wasn't it my fault for letting _him_in? He would've walked away like the others, thinking it was a myth that anyone lived in this house. Wrong. My "father" moved away once he realized I had thrown away my chance to become a doctor to pursue a career in art so he packed up like Mum and left. I came back to fetch the last of my things, lo and behold, an empty house that had been paid off years before. So instead I moved into my old room and set up an art studio, selling my art under the nickname, Suu~ītomemorī. Sadly, I couldn't run when he saw me. I didn't lock the door, so I couldn't hide. He held me down, so I couldn't fight. He made a deal that I couldn't refuse. Could I? _

"So," the ravenette drawled. "it's Tweedledee, Tweedledumb, and Tweedledumber." Roxas groaned, he didn't like this guy already. And, did he live with that girl in the window?

"Let us in, I swear to the man upstairs I saw the seventh wonder!"

"Fine, search the house, nobody here but me." the ravenette told them, smirking. He opened the door, and they saw the foyer, with a sleeping bag and a pile of discarded clothing on the left staircase. He took them up the right stairs and showed them the locked three rooms, then took them under to the study. Roxas insisted on going to the top room on the left wing, so the guy took them to the door, kicking it wide open. Roxas had to take a step back, because the room was bright compared to the rest of the darker Victorian-style house. There she was, the girl in the window!

"You liar, she is real!"

"No shit."

"I don't like you."

"Hm? Oh yes, t-that's great." Hayner raised an eyebrow at this, and shot Roxas a warning glance that clearly said, "I think she's gone stir crazy."

_I kept my head down, my eyes fixed onto the face I'd drawn. It certainly outdid some of my other works in art, and that alone couldn't give me full confidence. What if they saw this? What if he saw it? I quickly flipped my notebook shut, not allowing myself to look at it any longer, or the boys who came closer to get a look at me. It was a spur of the moment sketch that they couldn't see, and they wouldn't so long as my name was Namine and my eyes were grey. Lovely world of mine, huh? I can't get close to anybody without having to worry about getting hurt. The pain always stays there, and if-_

"Hello? Anybody in there?" Roxas asked, knocked gently on the side of her head. Her grey eyes widened, and she pressed her closed sketchbook to her chest. He stood back, fascinated by how beautiful and innocent she looked gazing up at him with wonder-filled eyes and a tad bit of fear. Her soft-looking lips parted as if she wanted to say something, but all she did was sigh. Hayner elbowed him and he turned back to the scowling kid in the corner who moved over to the blonde girl woman and wrapped his arms around her shoulders while simultaneously glaring.

"Hands off my girl." the woman glared at him, angry.

_Wha? She's taken...? Wait, am I... NO! I'm with XION. I love Xion, not this girl, I barely know her! _he screamed in frustration at what he was thinking-in his head, not aloud. That would be embarrassing. "So, what, do you two live here?"

"She does. I don't."

_Why is he looking at me like that? Conflicted, but why? He can't have had the terrible past and present that I've had so far. He doesn't put up with this bastard that keeps making advances "just for the fun of it". Shouldn't we both have fun, not just you? That's the way it should be. But it's also the way it can never be. Lucky me. _

"Okay then. Big heading, seventh wonder is real. Girl lives in house, no lie. How's that sound?" Pence asked.

"Don't care,"

"It sounds great." the blonde woman said. Everyone stared at her, except for her boyfriend who stood up and went to go sulk in the corner. "But my opinion doesn't matter, at all, really."

"Thanks. Hayner, you're too whipped to say anything without Olette-"

"Am not!"

"Olette? Oh, how is she? I haven't seen her since college."

"You know Olette? Olette Little?"

"Yes, we shared a dorm with... you might know her... Xion Kisaragi?"

"I know her hot sister Yuffie!" Hayner piped up. "What? Me and Olette aren't official... yet." Roxas and Pence exchanged glances.

"Whipped."

"Xion's my girlfriend." Roxas said, forcing a smile.

_I released my grip on the sketchbook, letting the pages flutter to my drawing of the angel I had planned at the age of eleven. Her tears were mixed with her blood as light flowed down from the heavens in the shape of a heart while a cloud was in the process of blocking the light. What did it represent? The things I was denied. I watched the gorgeous blonde with equally wonderful blue eyes like the sky at night pick my sketchbook up with apprehensiveness. My apparent boyfriend sent daggers his way, and then turned his gaze onto me. My eyes might have been gray, but that didn't mean they weren't ice when they needed to be. _

"So this is yours?" Roxas asked, fingering the edges of the beautiful drawing. Suu~ītomemorī, he had heard of her before. But what was her real name? He had to know, she was just so... intriguing, for lack of a better word. Their eyes locked, and they both lit up like a thousand candles burning behind each pair. Roxas may not have been aware of that spark, unfortunately, Namine was.

_He loves me, he loves me not. Oh, the real matter is how. He can't love me because he loves Xion. He can love me because I'm not that bastard's girlfriend. But he can't. But he has to. Does he even want to? Or did it just happen? Does he know, do_ I_ know? Oh jeez, too many questions for one measly answer. Maybe. Maybe! I hate that word, yes or no? Not another one, I refuse to ask anymore. I don't think I could help it though, even if I tried._

"Double whipped." Pence whispered to Hayner. Hayner froze up like a statue before leaning back near the chubby boy. He was happy for his best friend, just not for the mess that would be left behind. This woman would become the forbidden fruit to Roxas; with his personality, he wouldn't be able to say anything to Xion and risk what they have or be able to stay away from this woman. Hayner had an intelligent thought cross his mind-this woman was the road less traveled. The quote from English class was, "I took the one less traveled by, and that made all the difference." He never could apply that to his everyday life, but now it became part of Roxas' life. So, choosing her over Xion would make all the difference?

"But what about Xion, won't she get all like, angry?" he asked after Pence repeated himself, interrupting the train of thought.

"Their relationship wasn't that serious, remember? All they did was eat ice cream together and make out. No sex."

"Damn it, what is up with him?" Roxas wasn't that kind of guy, no matter how soft he is under his tough-guy attitude. He and Xion were an item since the second year of college at Twilight University. That would make it six years since Roxas was twenty-five. Six years and still Roxas had his virginity. Hayner and Pence were shocked, to say the least. Throw in some facepalming, sweatdropping, and some deadpanning-that was all six years of pushing Roxas closer and closer. They never made it past second base.

"He wanted to adjust, but she was ready to jump him Olette said so." Pence explained. Hayner was still disappointed.

"How does she know?" Olette wasn't the kind to gossip, but the whole Xion/Roxas thing was the most exciting thing happening in their group. Besides those pictures being stolen around town.

"How does who know?" Roxas asked, handing the drawing back to its rightful owner. Pence and Hayner stiffened, and both laughed nervously.

"Nobody!"

_He turned back to me rolling his eyes. So cute like that. 'Keep the drawing.' I whispered in his ear so they wouldn't hear. Was it me or did he look excited? Happy? 'No I can't. It's yours...' I smiled, pushing the picture gently to his hands. I turned his head to the long table and pointed to the many pictures on the back wall. 'My name, is Namine. I have plenty of artwork, so there's no need.' He reached into his back pocket and pulled out a fifty and put it into my open palm that had previously been on his cheek. He curled my fingers around it, and whispered back to me, 'My name is Roxas, and I don't care.' _

"C'mon Hay-nerd. Pence, let's go." Roxas said, grabbing their attention with name-calling.

"Yeah Rox-ass."

"You bet I do." he shot back, flashing Namine a quick smile. Pence and Hayner laughed, and Roxas waved to Namine. The ravenette blocked his view, shooing them away.

_'Stay away from him.' he warned me, wrapping his arms around my waist. I squirmed out of his grip. 'Look. The deal was for me to be your girlfriend. You can't tell me what to do.' He smirked-how I hated it. 'Oh yeah?' he asked before mashing his lips on mine. I have to admit he was a great kisser, but I don't like him that way. He's more of an annoying, sadistic, sarcastic, know-it-all than boyfriend material._

Still smirking, he turned and left, slamming the door behind him. I peeked out my window to check if he was on his way home. I saw some blonde that looked like Roxas smack him upside the head and half-laugh. Sighing, I picked up my latest drawing and nearly melted into a sticky puddle at the sight of how good it came out for a quick sketch. His blue eyes stared with the same curiousity as when he and his friends came to look for the seventh wonder.

_Wishes are hope. Hope is a lie. But it makes you feel good, right? So even if I looked like a total ditz, I wished I could meet Roxas just one more time._

* * *

_**OMG! I finished and in only two days! I'm getting better thanks to the reviewers. This story comes naturally to me, I guess tragedy is my thing? BTW: there will be very little comfort in this story. Next chapter is from Roxas' POV. (the italics) But this story is not just about RokuNami, its also Namitas, a little friendship with Olette, minor SoKai, VanShion, RokuShi, and more! **_


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